(Written by a Japanese) Dating Culture in Japan: Five Points Foreigners Need to Know

Hello, again. This is BabyJ😊.

Are you dating a Japanese person or looking for a Japanese boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, it’s important to understand the dating culture in Japan, which differs significantly from the West. Knowing what to expect can help you avoid misunderstandings and ensure a smoother relationship with your Japanese partner.

In this article, I’ll explain five key points about Japanese dating culture that are essential for making your partner happy and avoiding potential pitfalls.

I’m BabyJ, a Japanese blogger who writes about interracial romance and offers dating and relationship advice primarily for Japanese women. I draw from many years of interracial dating, including both marriage and divorce, to share my insights.

Dating Culture in Japan 1. Casual Dating Is Not Common in Japan

This is one of the most important things to understand. Casual dating isn’t a common practice in Japan, especially among conservative individuals or those seeking a relationship that could lead to marriage. Of course, there are exceptions—some younger Japanese may be open to casual hookups—but this is not the norm.

In the West, it’s common to date casually and decide later whether to pursue a committed, exclusive relationship. It’s also normal to date multiple people at once. However, this approach doesn’t work the same way in Japan.

Typically, a man will “confess” his feelings to a woman and ask if she will be his girlfriend, sometimes even before they officially start dating. This is known as a “confession” (告白, kokuhaku). If she feels the same, they start dating, and from that point, they are already considered boyfriend and girlfriend.

Sometimes, the confession comes after a few dates, or a woman might confess her feelings to a man, though this is less common. For many Japanese people, the Western concept of a dating period can be confusing.

Your Japanese partner might assume you’re in a committed relationship even if you think otherwise, especially if they’re unfamiliar with Western dating customs. To avoid misunderstandings, it’s helpful to follow the Japanese custom of asking your partner directly if they want to be in a relationship, rather than leaving them uncertain, confused and insecure.

Dating Culture in Japan 2. Christmas Eve is the Most Special Day for a Couple

In the West, Christmas and Christmas Eve are often times for family gatherings. However, in Japan, Christmas Eve is seen as a romantic holiday for couples. It’s the most special and important day of the year for many couples.

On Christmas Eve, it’s typical for couples to enjoy an expensive dinner, visit Disneyland or DisneySea, or stay at a luxurious hotel. Because it’s considered a significant event, many women expect their boyfriends to plan a special date for the occasion.

For a Japanese woman, whether or not you spend a wonderful Christmas Eve together is extremely important, so be sure to plan accordingly.

Dating Culture in Japan 3. Man Is Expected to Pay the Bill on a Date

Japanese women generally expect the man to take the lead, even if she is a successful career woman. This includes planning, preparing, and paying for the date, particularly on the first date. It’s almost a norm for the man to cover the first date’s expenses.

If you suggest splitting the bill or, worse, ask her to pay, it’s likely you won’t hear from her again. While she may offer to help with expenses or pay for coffee on subsequent dates, making a good impression by paying for the first date is highly recommended.

This might be a universal expectation, but I’ve included it because some men might think that since women are independent, they should share the bill. However, in Japan, covering the first date’s expenses is generally seen as the man’s responsibility.

Dating Culture in Japan 4. Introducing Your Partner to Family Is Sign for Future Marriage

In the West, people might casually introduce a “girlfriend” to their family without it holding much significance. In Japan, however, introducing someone to your family indicates that you are considering a future with that person.

If you introduce your Japanese partner to your family, they will likely see it as a sign that you’re planning for a future together. Their family will also interpret it the same way, viewing you as a potential future spouse, even without an official proposal or engagement.

So, be aware that introducing your partner to your family is a significant step in Japan and not something to be taken lightly.

Dating Culture in Japan 5. You Are Expected to Bring a Gift

This last point relates to the previous one. If you are invited to your partner’s family home for a party or dinner, it’s customary to bring a gift as a courtesy to the host.

It’s a good idea to bring something nice, like flowers or wine. Not bringing a gift may be seen as a lack of manners. Older Japanese people, in particular, might not understand why you don’t follow the custom.

I included this point because I’ve often encountered situations where foreign guests didn’t bring anything and didn’t know what they were expected to.

Knowing Dating Culture in Japan Makes Dating Easier

Understanding these five key points can make a big difference in your dating experience in Japan.

Being prepared will help you avoid unnecessary troubles or misunderstandings and increase your chances of having a successful relationship with your Japanese partner.

Best Dating Apps to Meet Japanese

(Written by a Japanese) Best Dating Apps in Japan for Foreigners (2023)Three best dating apps in Japan for foreigners to meet Japanese for serious relationships leading to marriage, not for hookups and just for fun....

	Pairs The most popular dating app in Japan, with 20 million users across the country. Designed for serious relationships and marriage, you can find potential partners in various areas and age groups. The interface is only available in Japanese.
	Match.com The Japanese version of the world-famous dating app originating from the U.S. It offers more chances to meet mature, intelligent Japanese individuals who can speak English and are globally minded. The interface is in English.
	JapanCupid This app specializes in dating between Japanese and foreigners, designed for serious relationships. It provides more opportunities to meet Japanese people who are open to living abroad. The interface is available in both English and Japanese and includes a translation function.